


working through stuff.

by Aperson4444



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cuts, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, somewhat of an eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 23:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aperson4444/pseuds/Aperson4444
Summary: the avengers, give loki a place to stay after he was tortured by the chitauri. (well thor had really insisted)loki has to live with the avengers well still dealing with his past torture. and the avengers learn some things about loki and his past.
Kudos: 11





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yeah just kinda wrote this, i dont have too much of an idea where the plots going tho.

**_He let go. And felt as the wind swept past him, containing the stars and colours of space. He drifted father and father, until it was only darkness, the darkness was all there was. He could see only darkness, hear not even his heartbeat, no smells, no feeling, the wind having stopped._ **

**_He was going to die here.. Oh god. Oh god. He was going to die, the thick feeling of dread and nausea filled his stomach. And his last feeling was fear. Indescribable, animalistic, pure, fear, until-_ **

He awoke in a cold sweat, and was shaking, instantly, he magiced a ball of light, he needed to see, it was very weak due to his power restraint but it didn't matter. He felt around and breathed in, trying his best to get away from the memories of empty space. 

They had told him he had to try and sleep, look where that got him. It took him a good five minutes before the trembling stopped, and his breathing was relatively normal. He had to keep his mind busy or it would turn on him, and remind him of the past.

So he looked around the room he was in, the avengers had provided him with one when he arrived. That was only two days ago. Thor had come with him, in hopes that they would provide him sanctuary. If they had gone back to asgard, he would definitely be tortured for his crimes. Begrudgingly they had agreed, only after thor had explained about his mind control.

**_Mind control… chitauri, thanos-_ **

“-Ah..” he said aloud interrupting his thoughts. He really, REALLY needed a distraction. His room was bare, only having a bed. And a desk. So he decided instead, he would familiarize himself with the tower. If he ever needed to flee, he would need to know his surroundings.

He left his room, and walked through the building. He went through the common area, and took note of its windows, and open design.

He went through the hallways, and workplaces, looking for any places where windows where so he could jump through them. If needed of course.

He kept walking through hallways, door after door. Part of him wanted to leave this place. Run away again. So he could be free, and not a prisoner. But then again, where could he go? Not back to asgard, odin would have his head. He has too many enemies in the nine realms, and no place of sanctuary. The avengers, well enemies (fomor enemies?) where his best bet. And although he hated to admit it, he did like having his brother back. Although their bond not perfect, it was a start.

Soon he wandered into the kitchen, he was about to turn back and head to his cel- room, satisfied with his travels, before-

“What are you doing here?”

Loki's stomach dropped, and his body tensed, he turned quickly to see who was there, ready to attack if needed. Even if he had his magic weakened by that stupid device thor used, he would do his best.

But when he turned it wasn't a prison guard, or a enemy. Just stark, staring at him with one eyebrow raised. He smoothly turned his defensive state into a (hopefully) convincing look of calm, and nonchalant.

If tony noticed the action he didn't say anything.

“What?” loki asked.

“I said, what are you doing here? You don't leave your room ever since you got here and now your up at 3 am just strolling around?” he said well taking a sip from his mug.

“I got bored, decided a walk would do me good. Although i must say, i wasn't expecting anyone else to be up at this time.”

He went closer to tony, knowing if he just stood across the room it would seem odd. So although he would really prefer to keep his distance incase he needed to escape in anyway, he moved to the counter tony leaned on and and sat in a stool across from it.

“I don't sleep, too busy for that.”

Loki knew he was lying, he was the god of such. But he didnt pry, he just wanted to get away from this scenario in general. His alarm bells were going off the entire time.

“You on the other hand-” stark continued after loki didn't talk.

“Should be heading back to bed, you've been through a lot this past… while.”

Loki didn't hesitate to stand up and start to walk off, glad to have some kind of leave.

“Goodnight stark.”

“Where do you think your going?”

**_Where do you think your going? The guards voice asked._ **

Loki paused. That was not something you would want to hear. He tensed up again and turned to face stark.

“My room… bed? We did just discuss this did we not?”

Tony chuckled at that,

“Well technically reindeer games, your still under our watch, being a “prisoner” and all. So once we trust you more then maybe you can have free range, but till then, no more walking around willy nilly.”

**_Oh no oh no oh nohnohno-_ **

This was not good. Loki had concluded. Something bad was going to happen, this was the perfect opportunity for stark to try something. He had thrown him out a window, of course it would make sense for him to want revenge.

They walked back through the halls, tony had taken the liberty of leading the way un-asked, giving loki the opportunity to be able to keep watch on him as they went.

Eventually they made it back to his room. Tony stood by his door and turned to face loki.

“Welp this is your stop, night Games.” he waited for loki to head in before leaving.

Loki stood in the center of the room, facing the door, waiting for him to walk in after him. But after a minute nothing happened. No attack, no revenge, nothing.

**_Huh._ ** loki thought.

Maybe he was wrong about stark afterall. 

Although he wouldn't let his guard down, something inside him did ease. That night he slept better, and fuller then he had in a while. his bruises and cuts still ailed him. He felt their sting as he turned and shifted.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the avengers learn some shit about loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! mentions of torture, and food hesitance is in this chapter. also fainting. so, ugh just so you know.

  
The next morning, he awoke to sharp pain in his side, he lifted his shirt to see one of his cuts had reopened and had bled significantly, he had many cuts from… before, and he had used magic to mend and heal most of them., but now that his magic was weak he couldn't keep healing one of this size.

He dipped his fingers into crimson red blood. It felt warm, and smelt like metal. it was familiar.  
He got up and instantly tried using his magic again to heal it. But he was only able to just clean up the spilt blood. The wound was still there, and still bleeding. 

Instantly he felt more woozy, probably from the overuse of magic and blood loss combined. He was about to think of what to do next when the building spoke.

_“Loki sir, you are requested in the dining room for breakfast.”_

Loki froze. A person? ‘ _sir_?’

“Who are you?” he asked.

_“I am FRIDAY.”_

“...well where are you?”

  
_“You cannot see me, I do not have a physical form. I am an AI that mr. stark built. I am in every part of the building. Here to generally help”_

An AI hm?

“Who is in the dining room?” loki asked, surprised when FRIDAY actually gave an answer.

_“Mr stark, mr. odinson, captain. rogers, ms. romanoff, mr barton, ms maximoff, mr barnes. and Mr. banner.”_

Most of them then. Why would they want loki with them? He didnt have much time to think before-

_“mr.odinson is coming to walk you.”_ FRIDAY said.

Loki had little time to put on a new shirt, one which was a dark green button up, and some black jeans. He had chosen to just ignore his wound for now, hoping no one saw. the last prison he was in, they would extort weakness for their own entertainment. He didnt want to find out what the rules where here.

So he walked out of the room, thor holding his shoulder the whole way there. He didnt even wince at the pain he got from the bruise that was already there.

They walked into the dining area to see all the avengers sitting at the table, and stools by the counter. Chatting. They all silenced and looked towards thor and loki when they walked in

Clint stood up and went to reach for his bow, only remembering now, that he didnt bring it, so he opted to just stand.

“What is he doing here?” he asked with malice in his tone.

It was stark who piped up

“The guy hasn't eaten anything since he came here, we cant let him starve?”

  
“So we can bring him food, why does he have to eat with us?”

  
This time thor spoke up.

“My brother wont be treated as another prisoner. He has been for too much of his life. He will eat with us.” 

Clint stared for a moment,his gaze flicking between thor, and loki, before ending on loki, and he walked out of the room.

With that thor and him went to sit down with the others.  
Loki sat next to thor and tony, with barnes on tonys right, and banner on thors right.  
Wanda and natasha sat together on the other end of the table.

Steve came to the table filling it with a bunch of food, mainly typical midgardian breakfast food. Such as eggs, bacon, toast, waffles. Enough to feed all of them.

They each started to load up their plates, thor filled lokis, seemingly not trusting him to even do that. Meanwhile, his cut in his side, continued to bleed. And he felt himself grow weaker.

They chatted aimlessly well eating, although loki stayed silent. He moved his food around with his fork but didnt trust it enough to eat. He had been poisoned enough times to be wary of food.

He watched them as they spoke. Tony mainly spoke about someone named, peter? He spoke about how they were working on his homework. Banner piped in to add facts about chemistry, steve mentioned how awful the school system was.  
Wanda complimented the food, but natasha, stayed silent. She seemed to be studying loki.

He admired her for her smarts. Not many humans are like that. It seems she is the only one concerned a trickster is sitting, and eating at their table.

Eventually though, his wound grew bloodier, and his head fogged more and more. He had too do something.

So he ended up standing, opting to just walk away, but his oaf of a brother just had to pull on his shirt, trying to get him back. He pulled right on the side that was cut, and his hand had pulled on his skin, and the wound.

The pain from the pull, and dizziness that he felt combined and he growled in pain, before fainting. Seeing only the floor spin before blackness.

He awoke to voices.

“-oki! Loki!”

He woke up, and saw everyone over him, staring at him. And the captain, was touching his forehead. He panicked, having someone touch him, hold him down like that, he moved to leave, but he only could sit up before thor grabbed his shoulders.

“AgH!” he yelled, and thor let go.

“Brother, what has happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah loki, what game are you playing we wont stand for tricks.” the captain said, in his righteous voice.

“Im fine.” loki said, he knew it was a weak lie. But he could barely see straight.

“Yeah right, people who are ‘fine’ just yell in pain, then faint when...they-” stark stopped mid sentence, when his eyes landed onto loki's shirt, which had been accidentally pulled up when he had fallen, revealing underneath his bloodied skin.

“Woah hey whats this?” he said making a move to grab his shirt, but loki jumped back.

Tony gave him a look. And then lifted the shirt more slowly this time.  
Gasps where heard when it was revealed to the world, his big gash on his side, and purple bruise.

“WOah. how did this happen?” tony asked

“When did you get that?” natasha asked/ordered.

Loki stayed silent.

“Brother if you do not answer our questions i will be forced to make you talk.” thor said.

Loki’s heart skipped a beat, but he hoped it didnt show on his face.

“And what do you mean by that?” he asked in his most, ‘oh yeah?’ cocky voice to appear not actually worried.

“Father had predicted you might be noncompliant, so he gave me a spell that would make you speak the truth by my asking.”

This was bad. Very bad.

“Brother wai-”

But before he could finish thor spoke.

“ **Truth**.” and with that word, was magic. laced into its very breath. And although nothing seemed to happen, loki felt something change in him.

“Loki, how did you get your wounds?” thor asked. Well everyone watched, and listened.

**No this was too much. No. no.-**

His own voice cut him off

“When i was captured by the chitauri they inflicted many wounds, they had tortured me for many months, tell my mind was weak enough to control.” loki gulped. He did not like how uncontrollable his voice was. It worked without his command. And the mention of his torture made his body sick.

Everyone went silent. An eerie silence filled the room.

“Why didnt you tell any of us?” barnes asked. And once again his own voice betrayed him.

“I was unsure how you would react to me being injured. When i was tortured if i showed weakness i would have been hurt, and eventually mind controlled into killing many and doing things i had no intention of actually doing, and although that did end up happening i tried my best to not let it, but until then, they used any sign of weakness they could get to torture me.”

Loki’s face went pale and he felt scared. Downright scared.

This time it was natasha who spoke up, and oh how he wished it was ove-

“Why werent you eating food?” she looked sternly.

“Okay i think weve-” tony tried to cut in, to end the conversation, obviously noticing how uncomfortable loki was.

“Well i wasnt sure if you had poisoned it.”

This time thor chimed in, 

“Youve been poisoned?”

“Guys-” tony tried

“Yes multiple times, once well i was hung on a mountain, and i was tied there using my child's organs, and a snake dropped venom in my eyes, then just a few times in general, and then the chitauri poisoned me sometimes, for-”

“OKAY! ENOUGH!” wanda spoke up, with tears in her eyes. Everyone else looked on with their own levels of concern, and worry.

Loki felt sick. Not just from his wounds, but from the utter recounting of his trauma. His child… he felt his eyes fill with tears, and his head spin. He stood quickly, and pushed his way past rogers, and barnes. They didnt try to stop him.

And headed straight for the bathroom. He locked the door, and instantly collapsed to the ground. His breathing turned erratic, and fast. He felt hot tears spill down his cheeks, and continued on to have a panic attack.

Through silent sobs, the kind that squeezed your throat, and hammered at your head. he counted.

**In 1 2 3 4**

**Hold 1 2 3 4 5 6 7**

**Out 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8**

**And repeat.**

After about two minutes, his breathing was steadier.  
He shakily stood up and walked over to the counter. He was very tired now, so he sat atop it criss cross, and lifted his own shirt, panic crossed his mind when he remembered how stark had lifted it. He did not like people touching him without permission, and to many here had done so.

He shakily, grabbed out the first aid supply, and started to clean the wound.

About five minutes in he heard a soft, almost hesitant knock on the door.

“Loki?”

It was stark.

Loki took note of the fact he didnt say ‘reindeer games’ or any other nickname he gave him. Loki didnt answer at first. He felt too sad too answer. Too tired. Hes been through to much to answer right now.

“Loki? Are you okay?”

He was ignored. The only sound was lokis sniffle.

“Here loki, im gonna come in okay? Just me.” he waited a few moments before opening the door too see loki sitting criss cross on the counter not looking at him continuing to try and clean the wound.

Tony closed the door, and came over.

Loki eyed him.

“Loki were- i- im sorry. We shouldnt have asked so much.”

Loki wiped his face with his hand, in a tired gesture. He let his hand rest covering his eyes. holding back some emotions.

Tony watched as he calmed down.

“Is it okay if i help you clean the wound?”

Loki stilled for a second. Contemplating. Then gave up and nodded. He was too tired to focus right now.

Tony slowly came over and loki turned on the counter so his cut was facing him.

It was deep, and bloody, and made tony internally shudder.  
He helped clean up the blood, and mend it so it wasnt open anymore. (how does wound work?)

By then loki was sitting with his head in his hands.

“How are you feeling?” tony asked, not too sure what to say. But after hearing how much this guy went through, he couldnt just be silent.  
“Im-... im really tired.” loki admitted.

And stark new, this was a big step for him, being vulnerable infront of the enemy.

“Well after where done you can sleep for like, days or whatever, i dont know how long gods sleep.”

Loki smiled from under his hands.

“I hav- i have to clean more wounds.”

“You have more? Do you want help?”

“No.” loki said dryly.

Tony went to leave

“Okay well if you need help with anything, just ask FRIDAY.”

“....Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“....” loki hesitated 

‘....Thank you.”

“No problem loki.” and with that, he left.

Loki took off his shirt to reveal more bruises and cuts, he got to work cleaning them, each one reminding him of memories he really didnt want to know.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki meets peter and shuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gender fluid lokiiiiii. yes.

  
  


That night he slept, with nightmares, but none worth waking from. His body needed rest. He awoke the next day with sunlight coming through his window.

He got up, and just sat there on his beds edge for a second before going to get clothes.

He decided on black overalls, and a thick wooly, moss green sweater. His hair had gone a little wavy from sleep, and he decided it didnt look half bad. 

But something was definitely off. He watch himself in the mirror for a while, trying to place what was off, until.

**_UggGGHH!_ **

He groaned knowing exactly what was wrong.

“Loki?  **He's** over there.” he said to himself in the mirror trying out the pronoun.

“Loki?  **She’s** over there.” he said again. But it still didnt feel right. He thought again.

“...Loki?  **They're** over there.”

“Huh. guess its they today.”

they sat around their room some more, before they went walking around the building.

they felt like exploring today. Even though they technically weren't even allowed to be walking alone like this. They went around the one floor they had always stayed on, but hey, why not try something new? 

Usually they would be somewhat more cautious when blatantly ignoring the avengers rules they set, but right now, loki was still feeling the effects of the other day, and felt too tired to really care. So they went to the elevator, and pressed a random button.

When the doors opened, the first thing they saw, were two children staring wide eyed at them. They did not expect this at all, so they just stood there, watching in return. Silence filled the room until one of them piped up.

“...heY.”

“...hi.” loki said back.

“Are… are you loki?” the other kid asked.

“ _ SHURI _ ” the first kid whisper yelled, angrily at the other.

“I am. And you are?” loki asked now thoroughly amused.

They went silent again and stared blankly.

“Ugh… im peter… this is shuri.” peter said pointing at shuri.

“Are you gonna like, kill us?” peter asked

“No dont worry, i wouldnt kill you.” 

“Aw.” shuri said in mock sadness at the fact, and peter burst out laughing.

It was weird seeing people joke in his presence, seemingly not aware of the danger they could be in.

**‘Yes,’** loki thought **,**

**‘this would be very amusing.’**

Loki came over and sat on the couch next to them.

“So… are you like, good now?.. Or?...” shuri asked.

Loki chuckled.

“Well, im not going to do anything bad.”

“Why are you here?” peter asked. Loki had forgotten how curious children where.

“It was either this or asgards dungeons. And im not sure about you, but i would prefer not to be tortured for the rest of my life.”

“I get that.” peter concluded, although loki surely doubts that.

“So what are you both doing here?” loki asked.

“Oh well i was gonna help mr.stark with stuff in the lab, but then shuri showed up and we decided to hang out, cause shes never here.”   
  


“I didnt know stark had a child.” loki said. And peter stared wide eyed well shuri laughed.

“Wha?- n-no im not- hes not my- no, mr. starks not my dad.”

“Oh, you look very similar.”

They sat in silence for a little. Neither knowing what to do.

“Do you wanna help us make some cake?” eventually shuri asked.

“Cake?” 

“Yeah me and peter were gonna make cake.”

Loki stared between the two.

“Okay?”

“Cool.”

  
  


And so thats how loki, shuri, and peter ended up making cake in the avengers kitchen.

“Wait. do you know how to make cake?” peter eventually asked halfway through stirring ingredients.

“No. in asgard all the food was brought by servants.”

“So you've never learnt to cook?” shuri asked

“Not really.” loki answered.

Peter and shuri looked at each other.

“Well i mean neither have we so i mean, at least were on the same page.” peter said.

When the … cake? (could what they made even be called cake? It definitely didn't look like cake...) Was in the oven they got too chatting again.

“So loki what are your pronouns?” peter asked well they sat on the couch.

“Oh..” loki blanked. Nobody has ever really  **_asked_ ** for their pronouns before. they were always assumed to be 'him.' but he never bothered to correct anybody on 'she' or 'they' days. for 'she' days they prefer a more female anatomy, and so people just assumed 'she' on 'they' days they usually didnt change. and so people didn't notice.

“They, for today i guess.” they said.

“Awsome!” 

“I use he/him, and shuri uses she/they.”

“Nice.” they concluded, still kinda shocked that they were asked about pronouns…

They talked about many things.

Peter mentioned these funny videos called vines, and showed loki. They had to admit, they where quite amusing.

Loki told stories of their adventures. (well the nicer ones at least…)

  
  


Later, tony and steve were walking down the hall, and arrived to a peculiar scene in the kitchen. There, on the counter, was peter, shuri, and loki, all sitting criss cross, eating some sort of cake. Just chatting like nothing!

“Ughm excuse me? Whats going on here??” tony asked well rushing to the kids.

“Loki?” steve said sternly.

Loki froze up again and felt their heart beat just a little faster. They hated how they reacted to certain things. All because of how they were treated. They wished they could be fine again. But they couldnt. So instead they put on a mask.

“Yes stark? Captain?” they said well turning on the counter to face them.

“Peter, shuri, come over here!” tony commanded.

“But why?” the kids asked.

“UGH? Why? Because thats LOKI? He is UNPREDICTABLE?” tony said like it was common sense. And maybe it was loki thought.

The kids just looked at each other, then loki, then back to tony and steve.

“Well first of all, they've seemed pretty chill, helping us make cake. And second of all-” shuri said, then went to whisper in lokis ear. 

Loki nodded. Giving the okay.

“They use they/ them pronouns right now.”

Steve and tony stared blankly for a second, shell shocked at all that was happening right now.

“Oh- okay ugh, sorry, well, they are unpredictable!” 

“Wow stark, and i thought you trusted me.” loki said, their heart still beating with adrenaline. They have the urge to flee.

**Yeah just run, see where that gets you.** They said to themself.

“I trust you to not like, leave the tower, not to hang out with my kid!”

Loki and shuri looked at peter and both mouthed 

“ **_My kid”_ **

At the same time.

Peter blushed and loki and shuri held back laughter.

“Loki, step away from the kids.” steve said well coming towards them.

Loki felt a pinprick of sadness, that they thought they would ever hurt peter or shuri. But when has their track record ever suggested otherwise. So they got off the counter and went over to steve and tony.

“It was nice baking with you shuri and peter.”

“Yeah! You too loki!” peter said

“Very fun!” shuri said.

Tony and steve looked at each other once again. They led loki off back to their floor.

Once they dropped them off, they went to the lab.

“What was that?” tony asked, well flopping down on a chair.

“Your asking me? Like i would know why loki was baking cake with peter and shuri??”   
  


“To be honest, they seemed pretty happy.” steve mentioned.

“Yeah they did. And you know what? I think that was the first time lokis aten well here. Its been what, four days? No food? And we literally stopped them well they were eating food.” tony said

“now that you mention it, i think your right… but how do we know they wouldnt hurt the kids?”

Tony stared for a few moments.

“Well i dont… but they seemed happy, and loki has had children before… im sure they know what its like to have kids man, would they go that far?”

“Tony are you saying we should let them do this more often??”   
  


“Im saying; that, that was the happiest ive seen loki… ever. And they ate food, and chatted, and i dont know about you, but i atleast, didnt even know loki used other pronouns. Meaning their opening up with the kids too.”

Steve contemplated this.

“Id say it is a good thing,  _ ehhhMMmmm- _ fine. I guess that would do them well. But it would have to be supervised.”

“OF COURSE! What do you think im crazy? Letting loki go unsupervised with the kids?? At Least for now, no! When i saw them with peter and shuri i almost had a heart attack!!”

“For the record i do think your crazy.”


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some mentions of torture in this. death. keep in mind most, if not all these chapters will include either mentions of torture, death, cuts/bruises, eating troubles, ext... just so you know.

Later steve, tony, thor, clint, and natasha, plus peter, and shuri. Where all in the common area, eating food and chatting.

Peter and shuri were begging to hang out with loki again so tony reluctantly obliged since most the avengers were around, so natasha went to get them.

She found loki in their room reading a book they had given them.

“The kids want to see you again. Were all in the living room.”

“Peter and shuri? Oh lovely.” they said and followed natasha out.

Today they wore a dark green crew neck, which sleeves went over their knuckles. and black dress pants. And their hair was hanging loose like it lately does.

They walked with natasha tell they got to the living room. Peter and shuri were spinning on the bar stools, and when they saw loki they cheered

“AAAAYYYYYY!!” 

loki went and sat with them on a stool, well the others sat on the sofa.

“What’re your pronouns today?” shuri asked.

“Hm. i guess he is fine.” he said well spinning slightly on the stool.

Today he had felt kinda overwhelmed, and honestly, he didnt really want to be in the presence of the others. Sometimes life just gets too much for him, and he has to lay in bed, or stay in his quarters.

But he would push past it to see peter and shuri. They were the only people in this building loki felt like he enjoyed being around. And if he couldve he would have stayed by them the whole night, if it had not been for thor.

“LITTLE BROTHER! YOUR BACK!” he said well rushing to loki. Loki sighed, and held back the urge to pull back from his touch. 

Instead thor engulfed him in a big hug. Lokis nerves went haywire with this and he was only just able to push him off. He went to walk off but thor dragged him to the sofa, where the others sat.

They chatted well loki stayed mostly silent. Then clint mentioned something about his kids, and it made lokis heart ache for his own. And then thor just had to go and-

“Loki you had children,”

Loki glared at the oblivious thor, well everyone went awkwardly silent.

“Wait loki you had kids?” peter asked.

Loki sighed. He didnt want to start stuff, so he decided to just go along.

“Yes, many years ago. I had six children.”

“SIX KIDS?” shuri spoke up, and it made loki chuckle. The tension in the air started to dissipate.

“Yes, and they were very bright. my wife was my best friend. It had been a forced marriage, you know how royal things are, but she was magnificent just the same.” he said with a smile.

“Where are your kids now?” clint asked.

Lokis smile faded, and something in his eyes changed, but only for a second did it falter.

“Only two are alive, conquering worlds. They are better off if i am not with them. And their mothers also dead.” and suddenly all that tension was back.

“Oh… i'm sorry.” cint said.

Loki didnt say anything. The group eventually found a new subject and kept chatting. Although loki stayed quiet.

“Wait thor, how old are you in earth years?” clint asked.

“In midgard years? Id be about…… hm. 22?”

“ _ WHAT _ ? NO WAY! The god of thunder, who is thousands of years old, is only actually 22?”

Thor had a hearty laugh, with the others. And loki took it as his time to slip away. He went to bed early that night, hoping well unconscious he wouldn't be pestered with the awful memories.

That night he dreamt. He dreamt of his wife, and kids. He dreamt of their deaths, his torture. His whole life playing back to him like cruel film. 

He awoke in a craze of sweat, and heavy breathing. And almost instantly flew into a panic attack. He was scared, so desperately scared. He needed out, more room, this small space was too small. But at the same time he could barely stand.

He wondered if he could use enough magic to teleport to the roof, but he ended up only getting to the top floor. Starks personal floor.

He forced himself too move. Its a familiar feeling, weather he is running, or hiding. Sometimes his legs just freeze, and he has to force them to go.

He speed walks through halls, looking for roof entrance. His breathing is fast, and shallow. Making him a little light headed. He feels the tears in his eyes, but only barely can he focus on that. He soon noticed that the fabric of clothes was itching his nerves, causing his skin to feel on fire, so well in starks kitchen, he magics a thick green sweater on and the overalls again. Although this time he made them a little baggier so nothing snagged on his skin.

After using that much magic well it was already weakened he suddenly felt super dizzy, and half sat, mostly collapsed in the corner of starks kitchen on the floor. Back against cupboards.

**_I cant breath! I cant-cant- oh no. oh no. i- my breathing._ **

His mind was racing and he was about to pass out when he hears

“Hey loki? Loki? Hey, your in my kitchen. Its okay, your safe.”

Slowly, he focuses on the voice, with his eyes closed, and he brings his breathing in control with breathing exercises. But his nightmares still plague him, so his breathes still hiccup, and his nerves on fire. But he was more oriented.

“Loki?”   
  


He saw now, none other than stark sitting a few feet away from him on the ground. 

**_How could he let stark see him like this? What will happen? Suddenly he couldn't remember any of his escape routes._ **

“ _ Stark… _ ”

“Hey loki! Welcome back. Its okay.”

“Sorry,... i- i didn't mean to come here. My magic is quite weak.”   
  


**_And now you just admitted that you're even more defenseless. Great._ **

He felt his breathing pick up again. Stark noticed.

“Loki listen, just to clear the air, you are safe here. I'm not going to hurt you, I want to make sure you're okay. Okay? So right now, let's do some deep breaths.”

Loki glared at him, he was vulnerable. And yet stark has done nothing to hurt him, or exploit him. He had no other option, so he put his trust in stark. Something he did not do often for anyone. 

They breathed together, until Loki was breathing better and could talk better.

“So.. what's up? What happened?”

Loki laughed. He laughed because it was funny, all his pain all his hurt, and now he was just here with the enemy discussing his vulnerability.

“I… im fine now, its in the past.” very literally so.

Stark stared at him. And loki didn't like that stare, it was one he used all too much. A knowing, calculating, stare.

“Loki.”

“...yes?”

“How old are you in earth years.”

**_What?_ **

The question took loki off guard, but when he thought about it he started to panic.

“I am thousands of years old.”

“Yes i know, but if thor is 22, in earth years, and he called you his little brother, how old are you?”

**_Dangit_ ** he cursed silently at thor.

“I am an adult stark.”

“You know I could just ask thor. He wouldn't lie.”

Loki felt the fear in his chest. He thought about the truth magic again….

“I-i would be around… 18.” he said well looking away, now sitting criss cross.

Tony's face morphed into shock and concern.

“YOUR-... YOU?- YOUR 18?”

“YEs. we dont need to wake everyone now stark...”

Tony was stunned. He had always thought of loki as an adult, like him, and after he heard thor last night, he had at least thought loki was maybe 20, probably 21. HELL 19 WOULD'VE BEEN A SHOCKER.

  
  


“You're literally just a child.”

Loki grew angry at that.

“I AM NOT SUCH!”

“YES, YOU ARE!”

“So… what? Im 18 in your years yes.” loki said and tony noticed as loki sat now with his legs to his chest, and hands on the ground, as if ready to bolt.

**_Oh god. He is just a child._ ** Tony thought with pure sadness and realization. He has gone through so much. Torture, multiple deaths, abandonment, the death of his wife and kid-

“Wait a minute, loki… when did you have kids? Your only 18”

Loki was still in his defensive pose, 

“Hm. i must've been about 15 in your years.”

At that tony let himself fall backwards and lay on the ground from just the pure anger he felt. They had made him marry, at only 15, thats not much younger then peter for gods sake!

“Stark?... are you okay?” 

He leant back up

“OH MY GOD!”

“Thats me yes?” loki smiled. He could always rely on jokes to make situations easier.

“NO, I GET IT NOW! YOU AND SHURI AND PETER GET ALONG SO WELL CAUSE YOU'RE ALL JUST KIDS!!!”

Loki blinked. He hadn't thought about that. He always thought he just liked them cause they reminded him of his own kids, but when he thought about it, that made sense.

But wait- no… no no no, he isnt a child. In all his life he was never treated as a ‘ _ child’  _ no! First he was a warrior, eir to asgards throne, he had to be that, then he was the outcast, then the enemy, then he was the prisoner, and then the threat, and the lier, and the monster,

“NO!” he exclaimed in frustration.

“Loki?”

“Im not a ‘ _ child!’ _ ive never been that! I am loki. God of mischief, i- im no child.”

“Hm. well it looks to me your just a broken teen, man. Dont worry. We can get through this.

Loki eyed him.

“And were gonna do that by starting off with some rules.”

Loki sighed. 

**_I guess starks finally figured out how to be a real prison._ **

“So, is there any rules you have for us?” tony asked.

Loki paused, everything in him paused. _Rules? For them??_ ** _From_** **_me_** ** _??_**

“...what are you playing at stark?”

“Nothing! I swear!” when he saw loki's unbelieving face he sighed with frustration.

“Loki listen, i cant say the same for some people here, but  **_i_ ** for one, want you to feel safe. And happy. I know what its like to have shitty parents, and to be tortured. It really fucks someone up. And from what i can tell you have been like, completely fucked over your entire life. So right now, i want to give you a chance to just be you! And be able to fucking exist safely. So what are some rules you can give us, or atleast me, that would make you feel safer?”

Once again, loki was speechless, it had to be a trick? A trick to discover what his weaknesses where… but in all honesty, he wanted to trust stark. He really did. And he was yearning for the safe life stark had described. And with seeing where liying had gotten him so far, he decided it was time to try something new.

So the god of lies, told the truth.

Hesitating only for a moment to think, before answering.

“Hm. well stark, if i had to have some rules, to start off, i wouldn't mind you and your accomplices, to not touch me. Just, do not touch me unless asked beforehand.”

Tony remembered how loki was hesitant when he lifted up his shirt that one time.

“And maybe don't bring up the tragedies of my past so blatantly?” he said with a teasing smile, but tony could tell he was serious.

“Oh, and one last thing, i would like to request to have my magic back.”

At this tony was hesitant, and loki noticed.

“And why would you need that?”   
  


“Well stark, if you want me to heal quicker from wounds, and to feel as you would say safer, then i would appreciate it if i could have the thing ive lived with my whole life, to be freed.”

“Hm, fair points. How about this, we can tone its restraint down, to a good level, and maybe in the future take the device off completely. But for now, i dont think the team, especially cap, wouldnt like it that your stronger then him.” he joked, but in all seriousness, tony also couldnt exactly trust loki with full power. Yes now, he had way more empathy for the man, (the kid?) but still, something about loki having full power in the tower, was too much.

“Okay then stark. I guess thats suitable for now.”

By now his troubles where but a distant haze in the back of his mind. If he tried hard enough, he could almost ignore them completely.

Tony sat up, and got some coffee.

“So do you drink coffee? Cause i can tell both of us are not heading back to bed anytime soon.”

Loki slowly stood up, feeling like a fool sitting on the ground.

“No thanks stark. Im not thirsty.” in all honesty, loki was thirsty. He hasn't drank since he last hung out with peter, and shuri. But after everything that happened, he didn't really trust foods or drinks anymore.

Tony eyed him, “dude, this literally isn't just a drink, coffee keeps you awake.”

He said before downing half a mug full. Tony made them each a cup, handing loki his.

He took a moment to eye the cup of strange liquid. But didnt drink it, placing it back on the counter.

Loki and tony stood in the kitchen for a few more moments, tony drinking his drink throughout. Loki on the other hand started to notice how open he had just been, and how open the whole room was

**_Perfect for people to see me and attack, to find me…._ **

His fears got the best of him, and so

“Well, i will be going back to my room now.” he declared finally.

Tony accompanied him the short walk there, and stopped at his doors.

“Okay games, have a nice night.”

Loki was about too shut the door, before.

“Stark?” tony looked at him.

“Yeah?”

“I just want to thank you.”

Tony was shocked for a moment, loki opened up to him again...

“Oh, yeah don't worry about it. If you need anything, remember to ask friday!” and with that he spun around and walked back.


End file.
